I'm Still Here??

It really sucks when you have so much emotion at one time you literally can 't control yourself. I'm really angry and upset always crying and feeling even worse pretty much on a daily basis. I think I may honestly believe that I am running out of time to figure things out in my life. I'm feeling very lonely because pretty much all of the people close to me are off living their own lives and doing their own things now. It was fine back when it was only a few people because I still had someone who was around to spend time with but now there is no one. I mean don't get me wrong I am thrilled they are all happy but a little part of me still wants things to go back to the way they were before. I'm trying really hard to remember that I will get the chance to find other people in my life too but it just seems like I have been waiting forever and like those people that I am happiest with have slipped away forever. I can't stop beating myself up about letting this happen and I'm also trying to insult myself  by trying to convince myself that those people never recognized me as an important part of their life anyway. Things have gotten so out of control that I have decided to move and go away to college because I want to be around new people who might actually want to be a part of my life. Even as I am trying to make things better for myself I still can't help but think that maybe I will never actually do the things I always thought I would as a kid. Maybe I won't become a doctor, maybe I won't get married and have kids and maybe I will be living in a rented apartment even though I always said I couldn't be paid to not own my own house. I guess what I am saying is that it never really matters where you are in life or how much money you make if you don't have companions around to share that lifestyle with. Like whats the point of going through life if you don't even enjoy the time you spend going through it. I'm starting to realize that I'm literally just wasting time waiting for things to get better on there own but they won't get better if I don't attempt to change things. Well this is my attempt (going away to college) I don't know if it will work but I have nothing to lose.No really, Nothing. I hope when I come home I have a better attitude and maybe then I can make things right in Wilmington with everyone that has been in my life since the start of 8th grade until the time I graduate. About 90 % of those people are still important to me and I just need to make it right.